Sunday, November 26, 2006

f*** it all

this is going to sound so damn cliched- but i no longer know who i am or who i want to be. i've been pretty much a bitch to everyone i know for the past week or so-and all cause i felt so effin lonely! someone said to me last week that no one could possibly have anything bad to say about me. i beg to differ.
i don't get it: i'm not happy doing whatever it is i do, i love my friends and family but don't feel like i'm a part of my 'circle', i want to curl up in a hole, i want to be there when shit happens, i wnt a whole lot of crap that just isn't possible for me.
i can't cry because that would be a sign of weakness. who the hell am i supposed to tell about this shit? my life looks pretty good from the outside: i have a lot of stuff that goes towards making up the perfect life. here's the cliche: i feel so damn empty inside! maybe...maybe it's just a phase.
o f*** it all!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Problems galore

My profile reads, “concerned about the environment” yet almost all my posts are about something else. Well, here’s something I give more than a usual damn about: the Regional Plan 2011. Sounds innocuous enough, doesn’t it? Don’t be fooled- it is far from it. I don’t know the exact details of the Plan, but I know that a lot of villages in both north and south Goa are being converted from green on the plan to red. Red denotes settlement area, so in reality, instead of green hills and pastures/ fields, we will soon have gray giants (which, rest assured, will be painted some hideous yellow or purple).
I am not against true development. I am not against urbanization. I am for sustainable development. Don’t most people come to Goa for the peace and quiet? God knows I love that aspect! Yes, I know we have a pulsating nightlife and yes, a lot of the tourists go to our clubs and discotheques and lounges but does that mean we should sacrifice our natural heritage for selfish gain?
I realize that I’m sermonizing yet again. I suspect I do not sound like most of my classmates nor do I sound like someone from my age group. Honestly, nobody gives a shit. I spoke to a couple of people about this Plan today (because one of the teachers brought it up), one said, “ The tourists don’t come only for the peace, they come for the clubs too.” The other said “As though anybody’s gonna listen to us.” To no. 1 I’d like to say, sure, but they don’t come only for the clubs either. Do you know how much revenue Goa could earn from Eco-tourism? To no. 2 I’d like to say: we live in a bleedin’ democracy! We CAN still make things happen. It’s a matter of losing the apathy and forging an alliance of citizens, presenting a united front.

And what about the shack license crap? Do we really need more shacks? Read something in the Navhind Times last week- you know, that little opinion poll- and everyone was convinced that more shacks would equal more tourists. Hullo! What’s the point in going to a beach if you can’t even walk on it, forget sitting down, sunbathing and building sandcastles?

And now, the less important news: my friend, with The Girlfriend, is officially a dumbass. He has always been a sweet, quiet fellow and almost everyone who knows him likes him. In my case, I think that’s about to change. The two of them were sitting with the rest of us today and he was either more quiet than usual or there was some telepathic connection between them, and she asked him “ What’s the matter? Are people boring you?” (People is the word you use to refer to someone whose name cannot be mentioned in public/ to refer to someone who is present and has done something only you and your secret –keeper know about.) I was humming ‘Leaving on a jet plane’ at this point, and felt rather insulted. Luckily (for him) I was called away just then. How dare he think any of us, his so-called friends, are boring! Does he deserve any better than utmost scorn? I am hurt- more so because he isn’t very interesting himself! And he has the nerve to think WE are uninteresting? Humph!

The least important piece of news, but something that is entertaining: the college office has been painted blue. It’s a sky-blue kind of shade. It’s only a problem if you don’t know about it: the shock might kill you. Pink and blue; we truly are a co-ed college!

Friday, November 10, 2006

forwards

i hate forwards!
ok, that's a generalization- let me clarify-i hate most forwards!
some one sent me one the other day that went something like this:
once you start reading this don't stop otherwise you will have very bad luck. forward this to everyone on your list otherwise a dead 7 year old boy named tommy or tony with neither ears nor a nose will come and stab you in your sleep.
well guess what? i'm still alive! sheesh!
stupid ultimatums!

another dumb one was: please forward this because if you do, 2 more years will be added to your father's life. if you love your father, you will forward this.
now i love my dad as much as the next person, but that was just stupid! i believe we go when we have to go, and no forward can change that.

anyone else received any stupid things like that?

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Time for a change?

I abhor change. My greatest fear is of the unknown and obviously, with change, comes some measure of the unknown. Transition is not something I welcome. Which is why it is rather remarkable and unsettling that I want a change in my current status. I can’t talk to my real, 3D friends about this: I actually want a boyfriend. I mentioned it to one and she asked me why I had suddenly become so desperate. My best friend won’t understand, but then I myself don’t really. Another friend will be so happy because if I get a boyfriend soon, she wins the bet we have. So I burden you, my virtual pals, with my silliness.
I have never been a girl who needed a man/boy. I believe in being a strong (physically, emotionally and mentally), independent woman. I don’t want a guy to pick me up and drop me home. I don’t want a guy to rescue me. I’m not saying all relationships fall in the clingy-needy category. I just don’t want one that does. I just want…I don’t know…a companion. I don’t know if what I want exists somewhere out there. Most of the guys I know have these weird ideas of what a woman/girlfriend should be- submissive, dependent, dumb.
This is so strange to me. All I’ve ever wanted from guys before is respect and acknowledgement- credit. I never expected anything to happen with even the guys I have liked. Of course, I was too chicken to ask any of them out! I don’t know- maybe this is just –God forbid! - me wanting to conform to societal norms.
Let me just clarify this: I don’t like any one right now, so I didn’t have anyone in mind while typing this. As fond as I am (:P) of all the guys I know, I don’t like any of them that way. And as far as I know, the lack of like is mutual.I just…sigh…I’ve reached a point in my life where having a guy would be nice. Is that such a bad thing?