is it true?

there is a lot of frustration attached to the person i am- and a whole lot of expectations of other people that contribute to the frustration. for a while the person i was (and thus the expectations) depended on the people i was related to: whose sister i was, whose cousin, whose grand child...heredity was apparently more important than environment. of course my legendary sister still plays a huge role in governing what people expect from me. and i never know quite what to do with those expectations. shove them? where? the little ball of anger inside is going to implode if i put any more pressure on it.
do you know what amazes me even more than the fact that people won't let me be my own person? the fact that they don't appreciate me even when i am a doormat and then have the audacity to get annoyed with me when i do lose my cool.
what else? oh yes- i am a little hurt that certain people think i am not a good leader. as far as i know, i was one until last year. what makes a good leader? who judges? is a good leader one who delegates? someone who by virtue of being respected never bows down to anyone? never compromises? never tries to lessen the load on the rest of the team? i need answers!
oh and another thing- how the hell are you supposed to get answers when the voice inside your head (not your conscience, but the one that is you) doesn't answer you anymore?
honestly, i don't know why i care. i'm so tired. tired of college, tired of most of the people i know, tired of everything...but those of you who do know me and do care what happens to me- don't worry. it's not like i'd ever act on a suicidal impulse. i am neither courageous nor a coward.
one last observation: truth is a relative concept.